Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
