when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
