I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
