i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
