Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
