i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
