I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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