What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
