Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
