I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
