I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
