she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
