You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
