so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
