i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
