There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
