remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
