Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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