and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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