I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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