i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
