Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
MIDGETS
????
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
