i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize