I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
