In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
