he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
