butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
