every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
