New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
