at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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