Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
