I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
