whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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