judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
