this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You left your phone here
Wait...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
