clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
