dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Is it penis luge time yet?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
