Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize