I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
