When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Randomize
