Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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