You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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