Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
