I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
