Just cropdusted the office
the day after is always just damage control
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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