You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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