When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
