how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
