writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
