...so i touched it.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
