Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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