Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
