if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
