I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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