So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
