man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
