Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
