you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
