he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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