We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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