a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
