so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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