i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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