I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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