I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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