butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize